Having been in a long distance relationship for many years and long distance marriage for 4.5, we are constantly wondering if there are other crazy people out there like us. If you are one of them, how do you do it? E-mail fonderhearts@gmail.com to be added to the author list and start writing your story here.
Technical Enablers of LDR December 7, 2008
With modern telecom and transportation systems, people can increasingly lead geographically-remote relationships. I wonder if anyone has done a study on how new technologies impact the number of LDRs over the years. Will there be even more LDRs in the future? If virtual reality becomes more of a reality in the future (some kind of bodysuit or brain chip for example that can relay sensory perceptions from signals transmitted through the telecommunications network), will we even need to have physically-present relationships?
Falling short of the full virtual reality experience, there are several inventions mentioned here that may or may not help with your LDR depending on how much the likes of Hug Shirt, Lover’s Cup, KissPhone, and boyfriend pillow appeal to you. For us, the good old telephone seems to work just fine, but a full virtual reality experience would be a dream come true.
Pros & Cons of Long Distance Relationships December 6, 2008
Pros
Independence - you can kind of live the life of a single person while having the security of being in a relationship
Time – more time to develop hobbies, move ahead in career, and build social networks
Meaningful conversations – that’s what the daily phone calls are for
Every visit is a mini honeymoon
Cons
Loneliness – not much of an issue if you have a strong social network, but still…
Travel – it’s extremely taxing on the body and the wallet, not to mention the negative environmental impact. See http://www.slate.com/id/2202431/
Cost – double rent, double kitchen stuff, double everything
Can’t be there during sickness or crisis – sigh…
Lack of physical intimacy – no need to say more
Summary
So really, we don’t recommend long distance relationships to anyone. Why do we do it then? Well, as I said before, we are both crazy… Seriously though, it is perhaps a sense of responsibility towards a more stable financial future that drives us to our current state of insanity. But then again, >8 years of daily conversations was perhaps the strongest factor in building our love, friendship, understanding, and trust. So who knows, perhaps there really is a silver lining in every cloud…
Challenges December 6, 2008
From one of my all time favorite comics ”Piled Higher & Deeper” by Jorge Cham
Love statistics December 5, 2008
The researcher side of me decided to look up some statistics about long distance relationships. Here’s the link to a great website where I found the following statistics http://www.longdistancerelationships.net/faqs.htm
So how do we compare with the average?
How far apart do they live? Average: 125 miles; Us: ~2800 miles
How often do they visit one another? Average: 1.5 times a month; Us: at least once a month
How often do they call one another? Average: once every 2.7 days; Us: at least once everyday
How long are their telephone calls typically? Average: 30 minutes; Us: ~an hour
How often do they write one another (not including email)? Average: three letters a month; Us: letters?! who writes letters these days?…
How long do they expect to be separated before they can move closer to one another? Average: 14 months; Us: 1 year?
Practicalities December 4, 2008
How do you make a long distance relationship work? Sure you can talk about communication, trust, honesty,… ad nauseum. Why doesn’t anyone ever give advice on how to actually make the relationship work? We may not have the perfect solution, but here’s the practical side of our relationship. Your views are very welcome.
Communication: First, the money saving part. Both of us use the basic Verizon voice plan. This gives us unlimited minutes everyday! Through work, we get ~15% discounts on the monthly bills. With 3 hrs time difference between us, we’ve basically worked out a daily phone conversation routine of calls at around 9pm PST. Most calls last about an hour or until someone falls asleep. Conversation typically goes as follows: greeting, update on daily events, discuss plans/to-dos, and whatever else that comes to mind (more on this later). Whomever is bored or tired usually initiates the call. Sometimes, calls happen earlier and end before bed time. A good night call then follows before one of us goes to bed.
Finance: This is a tough one since we each have several banking and investment accounts, and credit cards. Since we’ve never lived together, we’ve kept them pretty much separate with each of us managing our own earnings, expenses, and investments. This is perhaps not the best solution and we’d love to hear about how you set up your accounts. Recently, we’ve tried to consolidate all financial management using Microsoft Money. However, the record is only stored on one person’s laptop, which means one person will have to keep track of all the financial transactions. It’s a pain.
Travel: We visit ~ once a month, usually during long weekends/holidays. One person does all the traveling now since the other is pregnant. 
Kayak.com does a very good job with fare comparisons. We love Jetblue and have a credit card in its name to collect points. If there are more fonder hearts flying between D.C. and San Fran/Oakland/San Jose, can we get group discounts?
