Pros & Cons of Long Distance Relationships December 6, 2008

Pros
Independence - you can kind of live the life of a single person while having the security of being in a relationship
Time – more time to develop hobbies, move ahead in career, and build social networks
Meaningful conversations – that’s what the daily phone calls are for
Every visit is a mini honeymoon

Cons
Loneliness – not much of an issue if you have a strong social network, but still…
Travel – it’s extremely taxing on the body and the wallet, not to mention the negative environmental impact. See http://www.slate.com/id/2202431/
Cost – double rent, double kitchen stuff, double everything
Can’t be there during sickness or crisis – sigh…
Lack of physical intimacy – no need to say more

Summary
So really, we don’t recommend long distance relationships to anyone.  Why do we do it then?  Well, as I said before, we are both crazy…  Seriously though, it is perhaps a sense of responsibility towards a more stable financial future that drives us to our current state of insanity.  But then again, >8 years of daily conversations was perhaps the strongest factor in building our love, friendship, understanding, and trust.  So who knows, perhaps there really is a silver lining in every cloud…

Practicalities December 4, 2008

How do you make a long distance relationship work?  Sure you can talk about communication, trust, honesty,… ad nauseum.  Why doesn’t anyone ever give advice on how to actually make the relationship work?  We may not have the perfect solution, but here’s the practical side of our relationship.  Your views are very welcome.  

Communication: First, the money saving part.  Both of us use the basic Verizon voice plan.  This gives us unlimited minutes everyday!  Through work, we get ~15% discounts on the monthly bills.  With 3 hrs time difference between us, we’ve basically worked out a daily phone conversation routine of calls at around 9pm PST.  Most calls last about an hour or until someone falls asleep.  Conversation typically goes as follows: greeting, update on daily events, discuss plans/to-dos, and whatever else that comes to mind (more on this later).  Whomever is bored or tired usually initiates the call.  Sometimes, calls happen earlier and end before bed time.  A good night call then follows before one of us goes to bed.

Finance: This is a tough one since we each have several banking and investment accounts, and credit cards.  Since we’ve never lived together, we’ve kept them pretty much separate with each of us managing our own earnings, expenses, and investments.  This is perhaps not the best solution and we’d love to hear about how you set up your accounts.  Recently, we’ve tried to consolidate all financial management using Microsoft Money.  However, the record is only stored on one person’s laptop, which means one person will have to keep track of all the financial transactions.  It’s a pain.

Travel: We visit ~ once a month, usually during long weekends/holidays.  One person does all the traveling now since the other is pregnant.   Kayak.com does a very good job with fare comparisons.  We love Jetblue and have a credit card in its name to collect points.  If there are more fonder hearts flying between D.C. and San Fran/Oakland/San Jose, can we get group discounts?